Cannot Let Go
by NearF
Summary: AmeBel Highschool AU, America x Belarus


She stared blankly at her table as the teacher walked by.

He whispered to her:

"Natalia, the time's almost over and you still haven't written down anything."

The teacher had a Russian accent and Natalia fell in love with him the first time she came to school.

Since she moved to America she wasn't able to make a single friend but instead everywhere she looked she saw enemies.

During the breaks the girls mocked her for being foreign and having such long hair. Natalia once thought about cutting them shorter but she just couldn't. The hair reminded her of her mother who sold everything she had, just to be able to give Natalia this chance to study in America. The rich people saying they would look after her, were related to her father she never met and had their own problems and so they sent Natalia to a motel not far away of her school.

Every day she had the same nightmare. A tall, ugly, drunk, monkey-like human with black hair but pale skin was trying to burn her alive in his oven. But every time a golden-haired person with eyes as blue as the ocean itself came to rescue her. While carrying her, he was climbing up houses and jumping over house gaps. If the dreams would be ending there, it would be perfect but it continued until they stood in front of a cliff. Natalia's mysterious hero put her down and jumped down and Natalia was left alone. The dreams didn't have a clear ending. That was why Natalia had problems standing up.

There was no transition between waking up and dreaming. Every time little details were different and sometimes the ugly monster looked different but she couldn't remember what it exactly was.

The teacher had announced a few days ago that a new student was joining her class. As the teacher spoke out the name, everybody died of laughter, everyone except... Natalia.

"Alfred", even though she did not laugh, she thought that it was a strange name. She never heard something like that. Maybe if he gets bullied about his name, Natalia will finally have a friend. But why would anyone like a girl like she was. She was foreign, had a Russian accent, and every time when she did not put effort in looking happy, she looked grumpy. When he entered the class, Natalia's eyes opened in surprise. His hair was dirty-blond and behind his glasses he hid light-blue eyes.

Another nerd she did not intend to talk with. He wore dark jeans and a blank, white shirt.

"Just pick a table and move it wherever you want.", her beloved teacher said to him.

So that was, what he did. He picked a table and carried it from the forth row to the second, and from the right side to the left...until he put it riiiiight next to Natalia's.

"What are you doing, you dork?", Natalia was asking grumpily.

"Uh, sorry, if you want me to move away, I'll just..."

Natalia interrupted him and said:

"No, just shut up and leave me alone, understood?"

Even though Natalia promised herself not to speak to him once, she couldn't concentrate on class while Alfred had this one long lock going up from the center of his head. She licked her hand and tried flattening it but it wouldn't go down. Then suddenly Alfred said:

"Try as much as you want, you're not the first."

Natalia was surprised. Even though he was muscular, he had a rather childish voice.

"S-s-sorry, I d-didn't want to offend you."

"You weren't offending me, excuse me I just...I seem grumpy when I'm sleepy."

"Tsk."

Natalia acted like she did not like him but actually she was happy they had that one thing in common.

As the bell rang, that awkward German girl was the first to run out the door. Natalia was the slowest to put away her stuff. Those other bitchy girls always stayed after the lesson to bootlick the teacher even though it never had an effect. They kept on doing it every day and they looked ridiculous.

On her way home, Alfred ran after her to join her.

"Your name was Natalia, right?"

"What are you doing here? Did I not say leave me alone?"

"You did. But that was in school. Where are you living at?"

"Pff."

Natalia was sure that he was some rich guy living in a villa.

"I live in a motel apartment not far away from here.", he started.

"Hopefully your motel is not near mine.", Natalia said while actually hoping it was near hers.

"I don't think so, mine is...waaaaiiiiiit...RIGHT there."

"Are you serious? That is exact mine!", Natalia had to hold back her extreme happiness. Otherwise Alfred would know.

"What, really?", Alfred sounded like he was hiding him not being surprised at all, "What number does your apartment have?"

"Twenty-three, yours?"

"Twenty-five. Seems like you're not as far away as you would like to be. Why don't you maybe visit me?"

"What? Now?"

"I actually thought of another day but sure. Why not now? But don't be surprised if you find yourself in chaos. I had no time for tidying it up before school."

In front of Alfred's door there was a doormat saying "Welcome to Heaven" but it was directioned away from Alfred's flat and I think it was not unintended.

As they entered, it wasn't even a little bit dirty like Natalia imagined. Just a few clothes on the ground.

"There's a couch over there, it's an old one my uncle gave me when I came here. Just sit down, I'll get us two cokes."

Cokes, she thought, what a typical American thing.

When Alfred sat down, he sat on the other side of the couch. There was an uncomfortable silence.

Natalia used it to slowly move towards him without Alfred noticing but actually he did notice. He looked her in the eyes, said her name, "Natalia", and slowly came towards her and kissed her on her white lips. Natalia never felt such a thing before. It was her first kiss and she wanted it to never end. She wanted it to hold on forever, it just felt...right. It was the first positive thing happening to Natalia for a long time. She lost her perception of time. Was it a second? Or was it half a minute? She ran towards the door and without looking back, she said "Bye."

She ran to her apartment, closed the door and shouted out all her happiness. After she stopped and it became quieter, she heard someone knocking on the door.

"Who is there?", she asked.

"It's me, Alfred, you forgot your coke."

Natalia opened the door and asked quietly and embarrassed:

"Did you...did you hear something?"

Alfred put up a bright smile and sarcastically responded:

"Nope, nothing at all."

Natalia blushed. She aggressively took her drink and shouted "Jerk", then she slammed the door. She was not sure how to feel. Now Alfred would know how she actually felt. How will it go on with Alfred? Are they now in something like a ...'Re-la-tion-ship'?

That night Natalia could not sleep until 2 am. She was too excited and couldn't stop thinking about Alfred.

She imagined that they would live together some day, that they will be one of the best couples the school has seen and that Gil, the most athletic boy on the school and Eliza, this stupid whore who always laughs about Natalia, would envy her and Alfred for their relationship. Everyone thought Gilbert and Elizabetha would never break up but sometimes you could hear them arguing after classes. Natalia couldn't imagine why Gil liked her, besides her oral marks, she had the worst grades and she never noticed that she would always put on too much lipstick.

Maybe Natalia would now become more popular and people would maybe stop laughing at her. The last time Eliza and her bitchy girls' clique bullied Natalia, Natalia had attacked her. Eliza cried for having her, so perfect, hair destroyed.

That German girl, her name was Melina, was part of her clique but she would never laugh about Natalia and would protect her when they got too mean. In class, though, she would be quiet until she was called and would never be attracting too much attention. Natalia believed that she was really shy but she never was afraid to speak out when someone was treated unjust. She had long, blonde hair, a little bit darker than Alfred's, and eyes, more beautiful than anything she saw, they were light blue and they were angel-like. Yes, Natalia really envied her about her eyes.

The third girl's name is Alice. She's telling everybody that she has british ancestors or talks about her having drunken more tea than she intended to and she always tries to be lady-like but when she is offered tea, she denies and acts more like a tough girl rather than a lady. She is always the one laughing the loudest and she thinks of herself to be over everything.

When Natalia woke up, she had the best dream of her life. She dreamt about her and Alfred having a romantic dinner at this super expensive restaurant called "Feli's". She wore a beautiful, long, light blue dress and Alfred wore a blanc, white suit. Natalia couldn't even imagine Alfred in a dark suit. In that dream, several friends of Natalia were supporting her.

She was not sure if she should wait for Alfred or if she should go to school without him. But when she knocked the door, he was not there.

"Seems like Alfred does not worry about that."

Natalia nonetheless hurried to be early in school. They had chemistry and she loved chemistry. When she arrived, Alfred had his head leaned on his hands and he was still sleeping. Natalia woke him up by tickling him under his chin.

"Oh, uh mornin' Natty."

'Natty'... Natalia thought it was cute. But giving names? Seems like Alfred was really serious about this. And she hoped it was not a 'one-day-thing'.

Alfred was a real nerd in science, just like Natalia. Normally Natalia was the best in chemistry but maybe she won't be the best anymore. The race is on. Nobody of them could top the other one but still nobody in class could top both of them. Why not share the throne? Why not share it with the first person they would want to share it with? Why not ... be a step further in being a perfect couple?

Alfred had to say it, he couldn't hold it..."Looks like there was chemistry between us all along."

Natalia facepalmed. Why would she fall in love with this dork.

After school Alfred would go meet a friend. Natalia had no other choice than to accept it. But she didn't want to share Alfred with others. She wanted to spend the rest of her lifetime with Alfred. She...she...she...could not do anything to Alfred. She had to give him the space he needed.

When she wanted to go back home, she saw that German girl sitting there on the ground. What was her name?

...MELINA, that strange German name. She seemed to be reading something on her phone. Maybe texting. Natalia walked towards her.

"Hey.", she said in a shy way.

"Hey.", Melina responded without even letting Natalia disturb her.

Natalia sat to the left of Melina and started a conversation.

Natalia saw in her dream that she would need some friends and even though Melina was friends with those disgusting, woman-looking thingies, she was nice to Natalia and looked like she could need new, true friends...like her.

"So, what are you reading?", Natalia asked.

"Eh, nothing...I...ehh...was just texting with a friend of mine.", she suddenly got nervous.

Actually Natalia saw pretty easy that she had been reading something and switched but she didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Melina put away her phone.

"Sooo..., tell me, I'm not really sure. Are you and that new student friends already? You two acted like you would know each other already.", she asked Natalia.

"WHAT? No way am I friends with that weird nerd."

"Oh, I guess I should leave then."

"You, a nerd? You're joking right?"

"I'm not. I...ehmm... you live in that shady motel, right? Maybe I can visit you sometime and show you something of the stuff I like."

Natalia was surprised. She always thought making friends was way more difficult.

"YES!", she accidently shouted out, "I..uhh.. I mean, I'd like that. How about tomorrow?"

"What, tomorrow already? Sorry, tomorrow I have piano classes in the afternoon but how about the next day, Thursday?"

"Okay, directly after school?"

"Sure."

Natalia stood up and took on the walk back to her apartment. She tried to stay calm. She hoped Melina would not call her back because the wide grin on her face was impossible to hide. Natalia still had that Russian accent and the nerdy German girl did not have any accent at all. She had to forget it, she thought. Natalia did not like it. It reminds people on almost every word that she is a foreigner. But even though she liked her homeland Belarus, she was not here to be proud of another country. She was here to start a new life. Suddenly something came into her mind. Won't it be embarrassing for Alfred if he is dating a girl with a Russian accent? She had to forget it as soon as possible. Her language had to be flawless.

When Natalia got back home, there was something strange. She never had any mat in front of her door. It was Alfred's but it was directioned correctly. But if Alfred's mat is in front of Natalia's flat...

Under Alfred's door there was a new one. It said "Welcome to hell" and was showing into his apartment.

Aww...how sweet was that. He bought a new mat just to have corresponding door decoration. If anyone found out they lived there, they would easily know about Alfred and Natalia but it would be worth it.

Natalia went out every 20 minutes to see if Alfred was back. It was one day they kissed, it wasn't even safe they were a couple but Natalia missed him. Natalia wanted him to come back, wanted to be with him, wanted to be in his arms and wanted to kiss him. She did not want to be alone. Every minute she could not stop having thoughts like "Is he trying to avoid me?" or "Did he not want a relationship?". All the depressions came over Natalia again. She could barely stand it. She even thought about ending her pain and suffering but when she slowly grabbed her big sharp knife, the bell rang. She threw away her knife and ran to the door.

When she opened it, Alfred was there holding a white rose.

"The colour of this flower isn't as beautiful as the colour of your hair but I hope you still like it.", he said.

Natalia couldn't hold it back, she took the flower, jumped on Alfred and hugged him as if she would never let him go again.

"I missed you.", she said while two tears were dripping down her white cheeks.

She leaned back and kissed him on the lips while in the background the heaven was as red as the passionate love of Natalia and Alfred.

Alfred carried her in his arms, while they were kissing. He carried Natalia to her couch and sat there. Even though she was pretty low-weight, it still was incredible how easy Alfred could carry her. His arms were muscular and still his shoulder was cosy. It felt like a pillow and if Natalia could, she would like to sleep with her head on Alfred's shoulder. At first it was long, passionate kisses but then they became more and more short and quick. Alfred slowly started to pull out his tongue to give her a sign but Natalia wasn't sure if she was ready. She continued normally and after a few minutes she felt it was time. It became wilder and they eventually began to tongue-kiss. Natalia did not want it to be more than that though and Alfred didn't want it either. It was really, really wild and Natalia started kissing his neck but then the phone rang. They tried to ignore it but Natalia's ringtone was penetrating. She stood up and went to the hall where she left it.

"Hello, Natalia here."

"Natalia? It's me Katyusha. I wanted to ask how you are doing. Mother's not home and I'm a little bored. You got free time?"

"Uhh, yeah but..."

In that moment Alfred called Natalia.

"Hey, Natty, who is that on the phone?"

Alfred couldn't have found a worse time.

"'Natty'? Does my little sister have her first boyfriend?"

Katyusha's voice was very happy. As if she hoped Natalia would get a boyfriend. When Natalia was still in Belarus, all the boys fell in love with her big sister but she would not let anyone near her. Katyusha cared more about family so Natalia couldn't understand why her sister was so happy.

"Don't worry, I won't say a single word to Mom. Sooo, I better leave you two alone, I'm sure you're busy doing things couples do. Bye."

"Wait, it's not like th-"

She already had hung up the phone. Natalia went back to Alfred and ironically praised him for what he had done.

"Good job, Alfred. Now my big sister thinks I already do those things. You're such a dumbass."

"But I'm your dumbass.", he responded.

They went to the bedroom, but they didn't do 'that' thing. Nonetheless they were pretty sweaty, maybe because both of them were nervous. They kissed passionately until late in the night and fell asleep while Natalia was in Alfred's arms. Just like she wished.

The morning after Natalia could not imagine why she had ever doubts about Alfred's love. When Natalia looked at him without glasses, he looked perfect, nothing could be better but she still had doubts about her own looks. Was her hair too long? Was her skin too light? She even had worries about her nose, was it too small? What did boys like Alfred like? She could not wait to get answers.

"Hey, Alfred, wake up. What do you think about my looks?"

"Huh...what...?"

"What do you think about my looks?"

"Natalia.", he looked her in deep in her eyes with his heaven-blue eyes, "You're the prettiest girl I have ever seen. Don't worry about things like that, I-... I love you, Natty."

.

.

.

.

"I love you...", did he really say it? Natalia was breathless. It came so suddenly. What...what would she say now? Natalia pulled together all the courage she possessed and said quietly and shy:

"I love you, too, Alfred."

Natalia was still sleepy. If she could, she would like to never leave Alfred's arms. She would give up everything she has, everything for Alfred. Hell, she would even sacrifice herself for him. Everything she wants is to have Alfred's love...forever. She would do anything to please Alfred.

At school she slept during politics and it seems like nobody even noticed. The teacher was this strange, cat-loving, sleepy guy. Alfred probably noticed, but he wouldn't wake up Natalia.

The breaks reminded Natalia of the dark times. She still was alone...kind of. Alfred and Natalia did not want to have people know of their relationship. Maybe they would make fun of it. Maybe they would try to separate them of their love. So Alfred was only near Natalia. They would observe each other but nobody would know. But this day there was a difference.

There was this "gang" of Gilbert. Antonio, Francis and Gilbert always hung around together and would never go anywhere without them. They stood in front of Natalia. She was a bit scared. Francis stepped forward, leaned down, slowly took Natalia's hand and...and...kissed it. And he wouldn't let Natalia's hand go. He had a charming look or... at least charming to normal, single women. But not to Natalia, to her it was a creepy, perverted look. She saw Alfred in the distance. He was as red as a tomato. You don't have to be a genius to see he was jealous. Francis stood up and with his hand he tickled Natalia's cheek. She felt like she was frozen, she could barely move. But all she wanted in that moment was to run away. She loved Alfred and not this pervert. And if that Alice found out about this, then Alfred wouldn't be the only one jealous. Everybody knew Alice loved Francis but she would always say she hated him. Sometimes she was even right, she could have hated the womanizer for a few things but nonetheless Alice would not give up on him.

Alfred seemed to feel furious. Natalia thought his rage would make him hit Francis, maybe even the others too. He had no chance against them but he couldn't stand it. But like out of nowhere Melina ran in. I believe she knew what was up. She pushed Natalia back and shouted to Francis in a way too loud voice "LEAVE HER ALONE". She was Natalia's heroine. She was helping the enemy of her "friends" and didn't even care. Who else could have had this much courage?

Francis' face turned from charming/creepy to angry. Melina spoke to Gilbert. She tried to say it in a silent voice but Natalia heard it.

"Gil, please. Do something."

Gilbert and Antonio then calmed down Francis and they went back to the cafeteria. Natalia walked back to class with Melina and as Alfred walked by, he said "Thank you".

This couldn't be it... What was going on there? Why is Melina knowing everybody. As if she studied them. As if she knew every detail about the people on the school. Was she knowing Natalia as good as probably the others?

Natalia wasn't...wasn't in a good condition. She had a terrible headache. She endured all the classes until she could go home. That was the only thing she could think of. When school was over and she was to leave, Eliza, Alice and even Melina looked at Natalia as if she had done something wrong but Natalia could not think of anything that could have made even Melina angry.

Alfred joined Natalia on the way home but Natalia felt worse and worse. Her condition wasn't good at all.

"Alfred...I...I don't feel well.", she said while she could barely stand, "I...I'm feeling dizzy."

In that moment Natalia fainted. Everything faded to black. She could only hear Alfred's voice before she went.

"...NATALIA, ...NATALIA! ARE YOU OK? ANSWER ME! NATALIA"

When she wake up, she was on Alfred's old couch. She had a fluffy pillow and a blanket. Her headache was gone and she felt a lot better.

"Alfred?", she said.

Alfred walked in from the kitchen. He brought tea in a fancy cup.

"Are you ok, now, honey?", he asked and Natalia nodded. He had a voice Natalia could never get enough of. The fact that Alfred made it for her himself, was even sweeter than the tea itself. But in all honesty, the tea was better than anything Natalia had drunk.

"Where did you learn to make such tea?", she asked with a weak voice.

"An uncle of mine is a tea-fanatic, mine isn't even as good as his but he taught me."

Alfred sat by and stroked her hair. His eyes got all wet but not one tear came out.

"I'm so...I'm so happy that you're okay. I can't imagine a world without you, nor could I continue if you wouldn't be on my side."

She grabbed Alfred's hand and whispered with her cracky voice:

"I'll love you 'til the world stops turning, Alfred."

Ughhh... German classes...Natalia envied Gilbert and Melina for not having to attend them. At least they had one of the best teachers. His name was Mr. Williams but everyone just called him Matthew or Mattie. He wasn't as old as the other teachers. He was like one of the students. At first, when he came to school, he was very shy and chaotic. Not one person respected him. But time passed and now his classes are the most popular ones and the principal Kirkland can't understand why. Matthew even is an outsider as a teacher.

Natalia loved listening to him. When he's telling stories, it's like you're really in it. His classes never got boring and when he told one of his famous puns everybody got silent but Natalia couldn't hold it. When she laughed about them everybody turned around and looked as if she had done something. It was probably because of her ugly laughter. Natalia hated it. Everybody had a normal laughter but Natalia's sounded like an old, dying donkey.

Natalia had no time preparing her lunchbox so she decided to do something she didn't do in months...

go to the cafeteria. Natalia hated the cafeteria food but it was cheap.

She could be saving a lot of money by simply eating at the cafeteria but it was really, really gross. The Americans were already used to it so it was full. Hell, even the richest ate there except for Melina... and Gilbert. Gil's mother was the one making that food. Even though they were richer than a sheik, his mother enjoyed working there. The students obviously did not.

When Eliza walked by she threw all her potato-... (Natalia couldn't remember what it was.) over Natalia's hair. It was intended, she made it obvious enough.

"Aww, oh sorry lil' Natty, maybe Francis will come and help you.", that slut said.

Again Alice laughed. It was probably her idea. She heard of what happened but who told h... no..., Melina would never take side with those, would she. Natalia felt a burn in her heart...she was...betrayed. It was why...she never wanted to have that kind of friends. That German girl... In the cafeteria they only gave out plastic forks and knifes...for security reasons. But for Natalia it would be still enough to kill her. She looked around...where was she...suddenly... her heart was ripped in pieces.

Melina was talking with Alfred. It was a plan to have Natalia out of the way. She wanted to flirt with Alfred. Natalia could not hold it back. She broke out in tears, she ran home as fast as she could. She did not care how she looked. All the people looked at her but she just ran away. All her problems...all her depressions...all her fears, they were piling up on Natalia. She entered her flat and locked it. She broke down. She couldn't stand it.

"Why?", she asked, "Why can't I just be happy? Why are you doing this to me, world?"

She took her big knife. This time she would do it. Natalia had nothing left to live for. Everything she ever wanted was gone. Her love, the girl she would trust, her dreams, nothing... was left. She put the knife on her arm and left out her last sob. Then she pressed the knife onto her arm as strong as she could and then... a single move should end it all. She spoke her last words..."Alfred...I really loved you.", she said while crying.

At the same moment, Alfred and Melina came. They slammed their fists on the door. They didn't even know what was happening, Natalia thought.

"NATALIA, NATALIA!"

"LEAVE, BOTH OF YOU, AND NEVER EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN." She wasn't even sure what would happen.

"NATALIA, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU THINK IT IS.", Melina said. Natalia wanted to hate her but... she really wanted to but...maybe she actually was innocent...

"NATTY, LET ME EXPLAIN, PLEASE.", Alfred wept.

Never had Natalia heard Alfred crying. Natalia still loved him. After everything that happened, she still loved Alfred. In one move, she opened the door. Alfred pushed himself onto it and so he fell on the ground.

"Now...? ...Explain!"

Natalia tried to look angry and scary but she had tears on her cheeks and her eyes were wet.

"Natalia, I can't love anybody else than you...Melina she... she wasn't taking me away from you. In fact, she didn't know we were together, she wanted to invite us to the cinema. And she wanted to know where you lived."

"I wanted to visit you, remember? This Thursday?"

"We would never betray you. Natalia, I'm yours and you're mine, nobody will ever separate us."

Natalia felt guilty. She had distrusted them and she could have been gone because of that.

"Sooo, what are we gonna do?", Natalia asked. It felt weird asking that after she tried to commit suicide.

"What type is yours? Action, Romance, Horror or Fantasy?", Melina asked. She was quite a bit excited.

"ACTION!", she responded far too loud. Natalia always loved American action movies. But what she saw, were cartoons...

...was her first thought. Natalia didn't want to be impolite and so she didn't say anything. In that so-called 'anime' was more action and suspense than any American production could ever reach. They watched the whole thing in one part. But why not? Natalia and Melina were having time until tomorrow, why not use it?

The next 'anime' (Natalia did not like the word) had a strange name, similar to Italia. Different countries personificated as one person each. At first Natalia had trouble reading the subtitles (the whole anime was Japanese) but nonetheless she loved it. There was this country Russia Natalia adored. And there was America whom Natalia adored too, she kept it a secret but she thought he looks exactly like Alfred but is less romantic and more of a dork. They watched it as a whole too.

As Natalia was on learning what 'shipping' is, they were interrupted by a message Melina got.

"Ex...ehh..Excuse me I have to go get fresh air.", Melina was kind of in a hurry and you could see her turning red.

She ran out, Natalia watched from the window. For some reason, Gilbert was standing there and they were...talking... more like Melina shouting that Gil should better go and Gilbert refusing to go. After a couple of minutes, they even started cursing in German.

Natalia could barely hold back her laugh. She knew it was wrong but it looked ridiculous. She felt a bit sad for Gilbert. It was obvious he loved Melina. Natalia wanted them to kiss. She wanted them to be a couple. That was probably what Melina meant with shipping.

"Hey! I'm gonna spend time with Alfred so you two have your time, ok?", Natalia shouted out of the window. Both two looked up and then Melina was even angrier with him.

When Natalia went into Alfred's apartment he was already sleeping in his bed. It wasn't even 8 pm and Alfred was sleeping. His blanket on the ground and his pillow in his hands. He was snoring. Natalia could not believe she was in a relationship with such a man and she could not believe he could sleep that way.

"WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!", Natalia shouted.

Alfred barely cared. He opened his eyes and after he saw Natalia he stood up and threw her into his bed. Then he embraced her and fell asleep again. Natalia wanted to break free but...Alfred's arms were so comfortable. She gave up and fell asleep too. When she woke up again, in the middle of the night something came to her mind...

SHE FORGOT MELINA!

Natalia quickly stood up and ran to her apartment. It was locked and only Natalia had the keys.

"Where'd she go, where did she sleep?", she couldn't think of anything else.

Natalia was disappointed of herself. Her first friend and this happens. Will she think of an excuse or tell the truth? Will she even be able to speak to her again? Natalia hated herself for that. Maybe she isn't supposed to have many friends. She broke out in tears. She cried very loudly until someone entered. It was Alfred.

"Hey, you forgot something...again."

Then he brought in Melina. It was embarrassing.

"SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY...", Natalia wouldn't stop and keep saying that for one minute or two.

"Bitch, just don't forget me again, okay?", Melina said. She was laughing.

Natalia was so relieved. She thought she would've taken her hate on herself.

"Hey, ehmmm is it okay if Gil comes with us to the cinema on Saturday? He wouldn't leave me in peace."

Alfred wasn't sure if it was okay. He still was skeptical because of the thing his gang did.

Natalia stayed calm on the outside but inside she was hoping Gil would come. She really wanted them to have a secret relationship. They were meant for each other, Natalia thought.

"Sure, why not.", she said, without having the brightest smile of earth on the face. She could barely hold it back though.

This night Natalia had the worst dream she ever saw. It felt so real.

Natalia was in a car with a bearded man. It was raining and the roads were slippery. Darkness was around them. They could barely see anything. Out of nothing something hit them and they were about to crash into a tree when Natalia woke up. She screamed and she was shocked. It took her a while to realize It wasn't real. She was weeping. Nothing, absolutely nothing had been scarier for Natalia than this dream.

After her shock was over and she was at least a little bit calmed down Natalia went to Alfred...at 3 am.

She knocked on the door on and on.

"Alfred!", she shouted, hoping he would wake up, "AAALLLFFFRRREEED!"

She hit the door in despair. Natalia felt alone in the scary darkness with only the little moonlight. She broke out in tears and fell on her knees.

Suddenly someone hugged her from behind. Natalia knew who it is. It was him. Natalia stood up and broke into Alfred's arms. His beautiful scent was the only thing that could make Natalia happy at this moment. Alfred embraced her way too strong. It almost hurt Natalia but she wouldn't want it in another way. She was afraid and in Alfred's arms she felt safe. For Natalia, Alfred was someone who could stand anything. He was Natalia's hero. Natalia couldn't exactly remember what happened next but they went to Alfred's flat and she fell asleep in his arms.

When Natalia woke up, she felt a little delighted. She felt like all her fears were just... gone. The pressure lasting on her shoulders just went away. She stood up tumbling to the door, barely being able to see anything because she did not want to open the curtains and wake up Alfred. She went to the small kitchen and decided to make a breakfast for them. Normally they would have had school on Friday but there was some official teacher blablabla thingy. After Natalia was done cooking and preparing the table Alfred came out the door holding a clothes basket.

"Hey Sweetie, I'm just gonna bring some dirty clothes to the washing room, ok?", he was kind of running to the door.

Natalia looked into the bedroom, where there was no bed sheet and then looked to Alfred to see it in the basket...

...with a red stain. Just before Alfred left.

Natalia was embarrassed. Why the hell on this day? Why on the day in Alfred's bed? How could she explain it to Alfred? How could she ever look into his eyes again after this?

Natalia panicked. She looked around. She even thought about just leaving. She shouted out a huge grunt and then started to curse in a way she was not proud of herself. By that she forgot the time and Alfred went in.

"&#$ %****...", Natalia immediately stopped.

"Go ahead, It's makin' you more American.", Alfred said with his sadistic grin.

Natalia kneeled down and begged for his forgiveness.

"IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY"

"Goddamn, stand up and don't act like you killed my cat or something. It's not that of a big deal."

"But I...I did...I...", Natalia was stuttering with her baby blue, kitten eyes.

"You know...I suppose things like this happen. Besides, I couldn't ever be angry with you having a giant, super tasty looking, incredibly delicious smelling breakfast in front of my eyes with cooked eggs and bacon smiling right into my hungry face."

Natalia's sad face turned into a smile. She wiped away her tears and tried to say something although it was really, really quietly.

"You...you had no coffee, I will just..just use m...m-..mine.", and she walked to her own apartment, having a shy look from behind.

As she walked in, she saw her home phone having something on the mailbox. It was her mother.

"Natalia, I know you wanted to study and stay in the United States but we can barely survive, we cannot afford you having in America. Please, for the sake of your mother, understand. When you are home you will be marrying a gentle man who will help us to survive the winter. He already has paid for your return. Your sister will wait for you at the airport next Saturday. I'm really, really sorry, my little sweetheart but we have no other choice. If we don't accept they will do other things."

Natalia was shocked. She could barely breathe. Was this happening? This couldn't be real. Now, when everything was perfect. When, after months of sadness and nightmares, Natalia managed to get real friends and fight the depressions.

Natalia took the coffee can and slowly walked to Alfred back. She made the coffee and sat down with the only person she ever loved. How would she explain it to him? She had no choice, she HAD to go. It was her mother, the person who gave her the life. She couldn't do anything else than doing what they want.

"Hey, Natty. Are you alright? You look a bit pale."

"Uh...uhmm...uh..err...yeah, I'm...I'm alright."

"I spoke with a friend of mine, his name is Anthony, and he arranged us a place at this restaurant called 'Feli's' on Saturday.", Alfred said in a really excited voice.

"You didn't have to, besides we don't have clothes fine enough for there."

"Don't worry about that", he said in an arrogant voice, "my uncle said he will pay it for me, no matter how much it is, so he borrowed me his credit card...What is it? Aren't you happy about that? I expected you to explode of excitement."

"Uhmm...it's just...you do so much for me and I can't do anything for you."

"You ARE doing everything for me. You exist, you live, you are here and as long as you're with me I'll regret nothing I do."

In that moment Natalia choked on her food. For a moment she thought about dying like this...happy, and having Alfred by her side and getting everything she wished. But she couldn't just die in front of Alfred. Natalia was afraid of seeing him sad. But that was something she wouldn't be able to prevent forever.

The next days were terrible for Natalia. It was like Alfred was intendedly trying to make this decision even harder for her. He was so kind that Natalia almost started crying in the middle of them playing a game. That was something she couldn't imagine before, playing video games with a real controller as a girl. She used to think that was something only boys would do but now she couldn't imagine her life without games.

Natalia was being tortured by having to pick a choice. A week ago she even used to think that the safety of her mother overweighs everything and that she could let Alfred go if it was necessary but...Natalia wasn't sure anymore for whom she lived. When she came to the United States she swore to herself that she would be always loyal to her mother no matter what happens but she never even considered having a boyfriend sometime later.

Even after Natalia rejected him several times Alfred didn't give up on that day. Natalia imagined that he could sense something between them and did not let go because of that. She imagined that they were born to be together, to love each other. But...now all that was coming up was grief. It was painful thinking about letting Alfred go. Not seeing him again. Not seeing again his wonderful blond hair, his deep, ocean-blue eyes Natalia was falling into every time she tried to glance at them. Never again being able to feel his warmth and never again being able to feel safe in his embrace.

At the school Natalia saw people mumbling things about her and Melina told her it was going around that she was dating Alfred. Nonetheless that did not seem to be a bad situation. Actually it was quite good. Natalia was told that everybody would love them as a couple. The girls wouldn't make fun of her during lunch.

.

But then Natalia remembered... this was making everything worse.

.

Why had this have to happen?

.

.

...Why couldn't she just be left alone with Alfred?

.

.

...Why was everything in the world against them?

.

.

...And why was it Natalia's mother to separate them?

Was she even knowing into what pain, what grief she was pushing Natalia?

.

No...Natalia shouldn't be thinking like that. After all it was her mother. The person who gave her the life. The person who gave her food and who gave her clothes. The person who gave her the chance to study in the US and the person who gave her the chance to meet Alfred. Never has she done anything bad to Natalia if it wasn't absolutely necessary. After her father left, it was her mother who protected 3 year old Natalia from being dragged away. Not betraying her mother was the least thing she could do.

.

...yeah, if she can actually do that.

Natalia would like to just stay here with Alfred... ignoring her mother. But when she imagined her mother's face after being betrayed...she got frustrated. Either of these choices were too much for Natalia. Both were the worst decision and nothing seemed right to her. So she decided to let Alfred have his best last days with her before she has to leave...forever...without saying goodbye.

.

"So, what do you wanna do?", Natalia asked Alfred. She was planning on being around him as much as she could. It was Tuesday. Only four days left.

"Huh, beats me. Actually there is something but I don't know if you'll like it.", Alfred replied, seeming like he felt uncomfortable.

"What is it, spit it out."

"oook uhmm...do you like bacon?", Alfred asked.

"I don't 'like' bacon...I love it, ... no I ADORE bacon.", Natalia hated bacon, it was too greasy for her. But for the sake of Alfred she lied. She lied because it was the best for him.

"So...one of my cousins invented this: the Maple Bacon, maple syrup used as a dip for bacon. I know it sounds gross but, trust me, it really is tasty.", Alfred still seemed unusually nervous. Always..., even in the most embarrassing moments he was completely cool, what was it now?

"I'll be making the bacon!", Natalia shouted out, silently hoping Alfred would refuse.

"I'll be sprinting to the supermarket to get some maple syrup, ok?"

"Ok, sweetie.", It sounded like, and felt like, Natalia was the housewife of Alfred and Alfred was the husband. Probably it wasn't only her thinking like that. His smile faded to a normal face before he left which was untypical for him. Natalia only had seen his feared face, his smiling face and, the most present, grumpy face.

Natalia hated frying things. She was an expert in cooking but she hated frying. The fat and the hot steam always burned her. She hated this. But Natalia would do anything to make Alfred happy. When she was done she placed the bacon strips, decoratively, in a circle shape on the plate and tilted them a bit while, at the same time, singing her favorite song. Natalia never sang it in the presence of somebody.

Ya tebja ljublju!

Ya tebja ljublju!

Ya tebja ljublju!

I love you, I love you, I love you so much!

Ya tebja ljublju!

Ya tebja ljublju!

Ya tebja ljublju!

...

As she walked in, she immediately stopped singing. Alfred was sitting there. There was a sudden silence for about a half minute. Natalia turned red and her breath stopped for a few seconds. Then Alfred opened his mouth...

Marriage, marriage, let us be married!

Natalia couldn't believe it... he knew that song. Never would she have expected that, he knew that song!

"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you. When I walked in I heard your angel's voice and decided to listen to you."

Never had Natalia felt this emotion. She was embarrassed, flattered and happy at the exact same time. It was an indescribable feeling and incomparable emotion. It was neither positive nor negative.

"Soooo ... don't you wanna try it? The Maple Bacon?"

"What, me first?"

"Of course! Come on!"

She dipped the so-hated bacon into the sticky maple syrup and took a little, fearful bit of it.

"It is...it tastes...", Alfred had a long, big smile in his face, "It tastes pretty good, actually.", and that was no lie. It tasted surprisingly better than bacon itself.

Alfred's smile was gone, "What?", he shouted in surprise.

"What what?"

"IT WAS MEANT TO BE A JOKE, I WANTED TO SEE YOUR DISGUSTED FACE!", he said while quickly trying it himself, "Oh my god, this is delicious! We just found a way to make bacon even better!"

Alfred jumped onto Natalia and kissed her with his actually disgusting, greasy lips. But Natalia did not really mind. The maple syrup was sweet and this would be one of their last kisses so she enjoyed it.

Natalia didn't spend the time at Alfred's like she did the most times. She tried to not let him be too attached to her but at the same time to be a good memory to him. Honestly, she didn't want to be too attached to him herself. That was the only way she could letting go of him be even a bit possible.

It was Friday, one day before the nightmare would take its start. Today she couldn't avoid him. Alfred was still in the belief they would happily go dining on Saturday.

And while they were in several boutiques and shops to find the perfect dress Natalia saw Alfred being astonished by every dress and getting more and more excited.

Natalia herself never liked dresses. She felt like a noble lady but a girl who's laying on the couch all day and eating chips isn't supposed to be lady-like. And if that would be the only thing. She only holds back her farts when Alfred is around. Alfred probably wouldn't care but why go in the risk.

They have been searching for hours and couldn't find any dress suiting to Natalia's flat chest and thin body. Natalia never noticed until the lady pointed it out. Just as Natalia and Alfred wanted to give up there was this one dress... light-blue sparkling and it suited perfectly. It was the only dress Natalia would be giving up her comfort voluntarily. It was beautiful, fabulous, glamourous. And the best part of it was that Natalia didn't look snobby. It was perfect.

Coming home she realized her mistake. She was overexcited and forgot the thing. Natalia couldn't even have that date. Their reservation was right after the flight.

"No, just... forget it", she said herself in the mirror. She noticed a little tear in her eye and became even sadder. This couldn't be it. This shouldn't be over. She had so many plans. She never visited a rollercoaster before and Alfred promised her to do that together. They wanted to go on a picnic together. They... They... had a rendezvous in the cinema.

Waking up on that Saturday ...right, THAT Saturday. That Saturday where everything would end. That Saturday where Natalia's happiness and love would die.

She started packing her things. Natalia somehow managed to convince Alfred to not see or talk to each other until he picks them up with that lend car. Natalia packed her clothes and left a lot of space for other things. Alfred and Natalia had never made any photos together so she took the only things left of him: A bottle of coke, empty, and that beautiful dress. She will wear it whenever she can in Belarus. And she will never lose these two things. Natalia will need them because if she doesn't have something to happily look back to she will commit suicide. She will kill herself if she hasn't anything to hold on to.

She will also take the anime Melina gave her. Natalia won't forget her either. The kind person surrounded by mean bullies, and Natalia's first real friend. She seemed so self-confident around other people but was doubting herself around Natalia. She was foreign, just like Natalia and you could still not tell her apart the Americans. She was speaking accentless unlike Natalia.

Alfred told her he would come around 8 pm so Natalia took her luggage one hour earlier and waited for a taxi. Or at least...she was planning to.

A luxurious, black car was standing in front of her when she left the door. Natalia could not recognize the logo but it said "Bentley". Alfred stepped out.

"Let me help you with the luggage, must be too heavy." In fact, it was. Natalia's shoulder hurt.

"A...A.,...", Natalia was speechless, he grabbed it out of her hand and put it into the back of the car. Then he opened her the door.

"Milady."

Natalia stopped thinking. She sat into the car and did not know what would happen now.

"W-... Where are we going, A...Alfred?", Natalia could barely open her mouth. Alfred made a smooth car turn and rolled onto the road.

"Having our last dinner."

"B-..But the Restaurant's on the other side."

"But, we can pass through Burger King on the way to the airport."

"The air...-airport...what..."

"I knew all along. I followed you back then and heard it the same time as you."

"B...But why didn't you want to hold me back. How are you letting me go so easily."

"I am not letting you go easily. This is hard but it would be even harder for me to force you to stay. This is your decision and I have to accept it."

Natalia never saw Alfred so mature. He was so calm, he was so cool. She secretly wished to not have the decision. She wanted to be forced, she wanted to be kidnapped, live far away with Alfred. Even though Natalia loved Alfred being so mature she would rather choose him immature and forcing.

"Don't think bad of me, if this was under other circumstances, I would've chosen you."

"But it's not."

A small tear ran down his cheek, you could barely see it. He wiped it away really fast but you could see his lips shaking.

He ordered for Natalia without her asking but that wasn't important. It was exactly what Natalia wanted. A burger, fries, and a coke. Same as Alfred's. They drove to the side and ate it in the car.

"By the way, where'd you get the car.", Natalia asked with her mouth being full.

"My uncle has four of them, I convinced him to lend me the best.", he spit a few times while talking and immediately bit into the burger again.

"Won't your uncle be angry if we eat in his car?"

"He will but frankly, I don't really care."

"In all honesty, this is so much better than a snobby, boring restaurant.", Natalia said quietly and shy, hoping not to break Alfred's feels.

"I KNOW, RIGHT. We should do that more oft...", he stopped and immediately became quiet. Natalia knew it wouldn't be easy for him to overcome this and she felt guilty.

"Will at least you be able to fall in love with someone else?", Natalia asked while looking to the ground.

"I will never be able to not think about you."

During the whole conversation there was an aching pain in Natalia's left chest. Little did she know that same went for Alfred.

Having arrived at the airport Alfred handed Natalia her luggage. It was really dark outside.

At that moment it wasn't one or two tears flowing. Several tears were running down his face to his chin and dripping down to the ground.

"So this is it, I guess."

"Please Natalia, I beg you, please. We can go back. It will be wonderful again. Please don't leave me."

That was the moment Natalia began crying. She was holding it back all the time.

"I love you, Alfred. Goodbye."

"Goodbye love of my life Natty."

Hearing that again, "Natty", made both of them immediately fall in despair. She ran into the building without looking back.

Natalia went into the security checks and tried not to show her emptiness. She saw her sister Katyusha waiting on the other side.

"Passport, please.", the lady asked nicely.

"Oh, uhmm just a second, it's right here in my bag. There it is."

"Oh, you're from Belarus?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, I just thought you were from here, you have no accent."

Natalia did not respond but she was flattered. She did not realize that herself.

Natalia could barely recognize her sister waiting at the gate. She cut her hair short like when they were kids.

There were two security guards both really big. One of them blond, and the other black-haired.

"I'm sorry Miss, we found an empty bottle in your bag. Unfortunately it's not allowed on board."

Natalia wasn't able to say anything against that. She still had that dress, she thought, as the phone of the blond guy rang.

"Order from Director Jones, he's saying she is allowed to take it with her."

"But we can't..."

"Yes, we can. It's a direct order."

Natalia did not hear the name. She did not know what was going on.

"It's ok. You can throw it away, it's nothing important.", Natalia said.

It was a lie.

*3 years later*

A black-haired man, wearing a formal suit, walks through the streets. He is holding a dark, black bag. As he is skipping by the houses everyone is hiding for they never saw this stranger in their small village.

The destination of his way is a small farm. He is heading to the Laurinaitis farm which is actually far away from the actual village. As he stomps in the muddy, 'road' every bug and every animal turns away of the bloody, creeping look in his eyes.

Having reached his destination the dark, mysterious crow puts down his black bag and takes out its content.

He pulls out an empty, unlabeled bottle with a shiny paper inside and a middle-sized kitchen knife. He leaves back his bag and proceeds forward.

He puts the strange bottle right in front of the door and rings the doorbell before he immediately leaves.

A pale woman with long hair opens the door. From the back, a dark, rough voice is shouting.

"NATALIA, COME HERE AND MASSAGE MY BACK, WILL YOU."

As the pale woman notices the bottle on the ground screams of pain of the same voice can be heard.

The long-haired woman quickly takes the bottle and runs into the back of the house without closing the door. She sees his disgusting, old man lying on the ground. The blood reaches her feet.

In a glance she notices the knife in her husband's back which once a long time ago belonged to herself. She opens the bottle and pulls out the piece of paper with her thin fingers.

 ** __** ** _Marriage of Melina & Gilbert_**

 ** __** ** _10th May 2019, starting 8 pm_**

There was no location given but the date was today. It was 7 pm right now. What was happening? And not only was it the date of today, it was the exact same date of Natalia's return to Belarus but 3 years earlier. She could barely remember anything before that day, except that she had to leave someone she liked. And ... and his name was Alfred, more did she not remember.

She sat down, not knowing what to do. She was drenched in sweat and kept her looks on the paper as... as the scent of the bottle found its way into Natalia's nose. Suddenly everything came into her mind. That she loved Alfred. That she was bullied in school and got saved by Alfred. That she had a best friend named Mel...

In one move Natalia looked onto the paper.

 ** _Melina & Gilbert_**

It was a quarter before 8 pm. She packed the most important things into her little bag and waited in front of the door with dirty, farming clothes.

Out of nowhere a dark helicopter sank to the ground. A blond, green-eyed man helped Natalia get into the giant vehicle and sat onto the pilot seat right after.

"By the way Arthur is my name. I'm the uncle of someone you know."

"Where is he? Where is Alfr..."

The helicopter lifted into the air and the pilot did not give any answer.

Natalia carefully walked into the back of this giant thing. There she saw him.

He was taking off a black jacket and his golden hair was dyed black.

Natalia could not move. It was as if she was frozen to the spot. The glance with his ocean-blue eyes took away Natalia's breath but it stopped at the moment where she saw his right arm.

Starting at the shoulder, nothing was human anymore. It was all dead metal. When he noticed Natalia's look at his prosthetic arm he tried to hide it. Their faces were expressionless.

"...Alfred"

"Nat.. - Natal-...ia, Na-...Natt...Natt...-Natty.", he was stuttering. But it wasn't out of surprise, it was him. Something terrifying must have happened to him.

"Melina...", Gilbert spoke.

"Strange isn't it? 3 years and he still hasn't returned.", the German girl said, wiping away her tears. She was looking onto the grave.

*In the US, two weeks later*

"Melina...you heard it yourself from the police. After 3 years of research they found his car on the ground of the sea. They already told you that he must have had an accident. He died. They found his single arm in the car and that was all. You have to accept it.", Gilbert told, full of fierce.

"It's not his style, he doesn't die.", Melina silently whispered to herself without any emotion as two people came to the same grave.

Both were dressed completely black. Their heads were lowered.

The lady kneeled down and was completely silent.

"Did you know him?", Melina asked carefully.

"Yes, I was a childhood friend of him. And you?"

"We were friends in college. Before he... passed...we wanted to go to cinema together. Him, my husband, me and... a girl he really liked."

"How was this girl you're talking of?", the black lady asked, you could still not see her face.

"She was intelligent and funny, maybe not reliable but she was the best friend I had...but she somehow left without anyone noticing. I still don't know what happened to her."

"I think she was a bit busy then. Sooooo..."

Suddenly the man in the wheelchair raised his head in one move but still did not speak.

"...when are we gonna go there? I'm already excited."


End file.
